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Where Loss and Grace Meet

Updated: Nov 21, 2020

My Story cannot start without going into the good, the bad, the ugly, the hurt, the loss, and the pain. Somehow these words seem to circulate throughout each of our lives.

One of these words with a meaning and a memory means something different to each of us. Like each of us, I had to become broken before becoming found. I had to learn God's love before showing His love to others. I had to experience loss before experiencing grace. 

This “new” story of adoption cannot start without the “old” story of how we got here. My husband Zack and I met 10 years ago through mutual friends. Our story is a little backwards but that is what makes us “US”. We dated for 3 years before becoming pregnant with our daughter Karsyn. We bought our 1st house and married a year later. Through those first couple of years I finished college and had the joy to be a stay-at-home-mom in the process. Fast forward to when Karsyn was six, she had been an only child for a while. We had talked about having more children and decided it was time to try. I was facing some issues with labs being off and started the discussion of fertility meds. 

But, before starting them I got pregnant. Unfortunately, I miscarried before my 2nd trimester, which resulted in some of that hurt, loss, and pain I mentioned in the beginning of this story. It was a hard loss on Zack and I, but I knew I was not finished trying. I had a plan. My plan. My way. We waited at least 6-8 months before trying again. This time, we decided to move forward with the fertility medication. Finally another positive pregnancy test. Only this time resulting in an ectopic pregnancy. ("...when a fertilized egg grows outside a woman's uterus, somewhere else in their belly."-WebMD) This is where the bad and the ugly came in. I lost myself. 

But through these situations, I also found myself and found Jesus in a way I never knew Him before. 2 years after going through all of this, I still knew in my heart that God wanted us to be parents again. I prayed daily that God would lead me in the direction of His will for our family. I started to notice signs, radio commercials, church sermons, and even friends talking about foster care. The topic was literally everywhere I turned. 

After praying and talking to Zack, God continued to show me the signs. We sent in an inquiry to Miracle Hill Ministries and went through the interview process, the classes, and countless paperwork; at last, we were finally licensed foster parents. There is definitely a lot of in between and back in forth in our fostering and adoption journey, so I will provide the short version for you.

December 2017, we received a phone call asking us if we could take placement of a 3 day old baby. After praying and deciding to move forward with this placement, we soon found ourselves not only with one baby but with two. These brothers were 11 months apart, both with special needs. One of the boys required more assistance than the other. The plan for these boys was for reunification, which means they would be going back to their birth family. But again, that planned changed. After 2 years, parental rights were relinquished and terminated. Through this case, we were asked if we would be interested in adoption.

Adoption was never something that Zack and I had ever discussed. But, it wasn’t something that we were opposed to either. Through our whole fostering journey, I knew very early on that I was supposed to be their mom. Whether it was to be for a short time or a long time. God knew these boys needed us and God knew that I needed them. We adopted our boys in January of 2019. They were “officially” ours!

Our boys are such a blessing to our family. The love I was scared to have at the beginning is a love that continues to grow every day. Although, I did not grow these babies in my womb, these babies grew in my heart. I was broken and lost, selfish with my own planning and so impatient with time. 

If I did not go through the hard times I was faced with at the beginning, and I would not have placed my faith in God. I would not be the Christian and the mother I am today. Although I lost 2 babies, God allowed me to gain 2 babies in such an amazing way. God had a plan. His plan with his timing. I knew God wanted us to be parents again, He just had a different way He wanted us to do it this time. It was his plan. Not mine! Zack and I are very much proudly a family of five.

Oli is our 4 year old. He had a hard hard past. He was never expected to develop past a 3 month developmental level, walk, or even talk. Oli has reached and overcome many milestones that doctors felt he wouldn’t. He is still about a 1 to 1.5 years behind. But, he is running and now talking in sentences. He is one of the happiest, sweetest, and funniest little boys. Looking at him he is truly a miracle for him to be alive. I love watching him grow and learn new things. Oli was diagnosed with Autism about 2 years ago. But, meeting him you would never know it. He loves people and never meets a stranger Oli is our very own super hero! 

Eli is our 3 year old. It’s hard to believe looking back that he was this 3 day old baby I wasn’t sure how to love, or if he would even love me. Let me tell you- that little boy loves me more than anything. He is a 100% a Momma’s boy and I am his biggest fan! He has filled my heart with so much joy. Eli is definitely a little more tender-hearted and tends to react more on a sweet and sour side- that's what I like to call it. He does have a sweet side, but it’s up to him on whether or not he wants to show it. He is all boy and very independent. He wants to do almost everything on his own whether he thinks he can or not. He is a little on the shy side but warms up quickly.

Karsyn our now 9 year old loves this little boys to pieces. She is the typical older sister. She is bossy at times but sticks up for them in a heartbeat. Zack and I could not be more proud of our children! We are so thankful that God chose us to be each of their parents. Every day is a new day in our story. An adventure and chaos, but most importantly every day is filled with love. Love for our father and love for one another!

This is Us!

With love,



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